Of Seven, I only fear one…

Hello everyone,

this one has been a long time coming. I said I would try to explain my long absence and silence, so here it is.

Just to be clear, this is an explanation. Not an excuse. I’m not trying to excuse it because there is no excuse I could bring. I had every chance to at the very least make a short post and tell everyone what was going on, or write some short updates (or longer ones). I am not and will never try to excuse my failure to do so, only explain it.

Something happens when I’m starting to write, drawing my attention away. By the time it’s resolved I’m too tired to continue. The next day something else happens and I decide to put it off for another day. Then on the day after that some pleasant stuff happens which, nonetheless, takes up too much time for me to get to writing.

Then come exams. Some personal tragedies (five people dead and buried over the last six months, six if we count my grandmother about a year ago), including some really… baffling ones (two of those dead were suicides we didn’t see coming). More exams. Working on the side to pay the bills and support my family a bit.

Stuff keeps happening and at first I put writing – and responding on the blog – off for perfectly good reasons, but it quickly becomes a habit. I look at the comment count going up and I just think “I don’t have the energy to reply to all that today and I don’t want to reply to just some and ignore others”. That happens again the day after. The more often I put it off, the easier it gets to keep putting it off.

That pattern continues until I don’t respond to the blog, nor write anything but some random snippets, for half a year. It’s stupid, it’s laziness in its worst form, the kind of laziness a religious person knows as Sloth, one of the Seven Deadly Sins, perhaps the worst one of the lost – or at least the most ubiquitous one.

So in the end it was just… me being lazy, getting myself used to putting it off over and over until I had to get a reality check and realise just how long I’d ignored what may be my greatest passion and a bunch of loyal fans who’ve stuck with me for way longer than I deserve.

Thus, here I am. I fucked up. Mea culpa. There’s nothing profound to justify it with, but I hope this at least explains it.

Sincerely,

Tieshaunn Tanner

 

PS: Obviously I will not continue my Patreon as is. I will make a separate post in regards to it and how I intend to continue the blog from here on out once I figure out the details, so I can present a complete – and, I hope, reasonable – plan.

PPS: Rest assured, the serial will continue and will be finished. Only thing that could stop me from that would be death itself.

PPPS: The next chapter is about half-finished and should be up sometime over the weekend.

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15 thoughts on “Of Seven, I only fear one…

  1. No worries, procrastination and putting things off is my fatal flaw. It also looks like several of the reason for putting things off where valid.

  2. Hey, you don’t owe us anything. Your life and your family and your mental health are a way higher priority than some random assholes on the internet getting to read this excellent thing that we have paid nothing for. I’ll offer condolences for your losses, even though they’ll probably fall flat coming from somebody who has no personal connection.

    That said, I’m glad to see you back. Mostly for purely selfish reasons. But also because, in my experience, when a person lets themself go more than about a month without making time for their creative passions because they’re too overwhelmed by other things, that leads to just getting more and more overwhelmed as time goes by and a general decline into apathy or misery. I’ve fallen into that trap myself a few times, and pretty much every part of my life seems to improve significantly once I manage to force myself to just do fun things anyway at least every week or two.

    • Yeah, that’s about what happened to me. Though I hadn’t quite hit the misery stage yet, fortunately. I’m lucky to have a bunch of really good friends who’d never let it get that bad.

  3. If there are too many comments to answer, then don’t.
    My sympathy for your losses, it’s something no one ever gets used to, and every one hits you in a different way, with suicides often the hardest.
    It takes emotional energy to write, to be creative, but if your emotions are in turmoil, then there’s often not much of that energy spare to put into creativity… take it from someone who’s been there.
    I kept checked your site frequently over the months, and am very glad you’re back.

  4. Five people dying in six months, yeesh. That’d fuck with anyone’s productivity, I think. I appreciate the explanation, and I certainly have no ground to judge someone for that particular sin.

  5. As far as I’m concerned, you owe us nothing. You already offer us a marvellous story and that’smore than enough for me.

  6. Firstly, glad you’re back. Second, so sorry to hear about your losses, particularly the baffling ones and the extra measure of grief that can bring. Last, I humbly submit you do not suffer from sloth, as you have far too much creativity and passion of which true sloths have neither. Rather, I wonder if you wrestle with paralyzing perfectionism and the insecurity/pride duality coin? If you as an artist struggle with perfectionism in your craft, well and good (or something), but please embrace “good enough” where and when you can. Have confidence my friend, you’ve earned our loyalty with quality, none of us are that charitable to stick around otherwise.

    Again, good to hear from you again.

  7. I’ve been there before, many times. I’m kind of there right now. No worries.

    But I’m still wondering what happens when Tartsche traveling on a relativistic spaceship while in his stance hits DiL…

  8. He hath returned! As was foretold in the ancient scrolls the Slumbering God hath risen from his rest beneath the seas and shall strike down the doubtful with his flabby claws and resplendent tentacles!

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